"Last Easter, baby Nelly was just an easter egg that was eventually found by a sperm."

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"At the start of the 4th annual Easter egg hunt for the deaf, people were sad because of the rain.  Five minutes later, they were horrified when seven of them were hit by a train they didn't hear coming."

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"...you say you're here to talk, but in your chat log you asked, "Do you like executioners?"

  "Yes", she said, "what 14 year old girl doesn't like executioners?"

  You said, "good, because I want to execute you all night long!"

   "Can you execute me in the hot tub?" she says.

  "Yes", you say.

  Then you add that you will also execute her while she's quote "bent over the couch."

"Let me tell you what's going on.  I'm Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC's "To Catch An Executioner."

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"After being forced to sell his Oakland Raiders season tickets, Mr. Bunchell was suspended from his teaching job, after filling his 4th grade classroom with expletives while giving this lesson on what it's like to be married to his wife."

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"Baby Mike loved the park, but started wearing this shirt when park officials removed the merry-go-round after declaring the playground a no-spin-zone."

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"Marsha always had a lot of male friends, but after she finally decided to have the moles on her back and hands removed, she started to get a lot of dates as well."

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"After his latest 24 hour coke binge, Charlie and Bernice looked on politely as Wong showed off how much he could rock Grand Theft Auto 3 by shooting hookers and cops in back alleys, all with his back to the television screen." 

"Coming this fall to the CW, Hiking With Over Bundled Babies!"

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"No, I'm not a pretzel vendor.  I'm an asshole."

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"Instead of heroin, Victor thought it would be funny to trick his long time buddies by injecting Viagra into their arms."

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"George and Shelly smiled because after this morning's weigh in, they were only eight pounds away from being able ride a wheelie without even trying."

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"After leaving Washington, Newt Gingrich opened a bed and breakfast in Wyoming where he let himself go so badly, he was often mistaken for a 50 something lesbian chef."

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"Lucy's bully backed the f**k up as soon as he saw that she had some mentally challenged theatre geeks watching her back."

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